Funny Stuff

I’m cleaning out my email, and found another gem from my Dad….

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1907. One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some  statistics for the Year 1907:
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• The average life expectancy was 47 years.
• Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
• Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
• There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
• The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
• The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
• The average wage in 1907 was 22 cents per hour.
• The average  worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
• A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
• More than 95 percent of all births took place at home.
• Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as “substandard.”
• Sugar cost four cents a pound.
• Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
• Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
• Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
• Canada! passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
• Five leading causes of death  were:
  1. Pneumonia and influenza
  2. Tuberculosis
  3. Diarrhea
  4. Heart disease
  5. Stroke
• The American flag had 45 stars.
• The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
• Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn’t been invented yet.
• There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
• Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write.
• Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
• Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect  guardian of health.”
• Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
• There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years. (Personally, I just hope we’re still here by then.)

I thought this was pretty funny – thanks for sending it to me, Dani! Best for people who participated in the 1980s.

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. uphill BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter … with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

And talk of about hardship? You couldn’t just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of “Hustler” at the 7-11! Those were your options!

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! We didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just don’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari Super Pong! With games like Space Invaders” and “Asteroids” and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.

Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up. we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire…imagine that!

If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled.

You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The Over-30 Crowd

From: xicestorm@earthlink.net

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

My friend John sent this joke and I just had to post it. Trav’s cousin Tim is visiting and we talked about relationships a little bit, and the differences between men & women so this seems like a good day to share…

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular
floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it.”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

A New Wives store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.